Liar, Liar Pants on Fire.

I lied. THIS is my last post from Africa. I am at an internet cafe in Johannesburg. One short flight away from Komga and I already feel so far away. After lots of tearful goodbyes I am on my way. I sat next to a really drunk guy who was convinced that I am going to take him to America and that we are going to get married. Awk. Luckily the flight was only about an hour and a half long. Seriously. Sheesh. My flight to DC is about 19 hours long and I should get into Denver at about 10:30 am. Naturally I will be partying it up in celebration of Dan the Man's 21st birthday my first day home. Can't wait to see all of your lovely faces!

kb

Last one from South Africa...

My journal entry from September 1, written on the airplan from Washington, D.C. to Johannesburg, South Africa.

"In a lot of ways I don't expect to come home from Africa. Maybe that means that the old me will be cast off and only the new me will return. Maybe my heart will be captured, leaving me defenseless, without the ability to leave. Maybe it is a side effect of giving yourself wholly to something that truly only you and God can understand. I guess we'll find out, won't we?"

It's almost time and I'm almost ready

God always does this for me, I’m resisting this time more than most, but never the less, it’s happening just the same. I am almost ready to go. Not without heartbreak and tears and an incredible desire to stay, but still- ready to go. I knew he would do this, and I shouted at him about it a little bit. I’m not ready to be ready to go, I’m not ready to be ready to be home, and I’m not ready to be ready to go to Cairo. I don’t think God minds the shouting, if I’m going to be honest, at least I’m talking to Him. And of course, amidst the shouting, God is still God and slowly turning the pages for me toward the end of this chapter of my life. As I start to process leaving I pray that I never forget the faces, the names and the stories of the absolutely beautiful children who have left a mark on and changed my heart for forever. For now all I can do is cry about it and let God take care of everything else. It’s not easy feeling like you are doing to these children what every person in their short lives has ever done by leaving. It almost feels cruel that I came into their lives just long enough to love them, only to leave them just like everyone else has. I found here what I set out to find in the first place- something that makes my heart beat fast. Something that makes me feel like life has a purpose. I could live my whole life drying the tears and wiping the bums of amazing kids like the ones that have stolen my heart here and I absolutely mean that. I also found things I didn’t expect to find- like an intense struggle with God about kids suffering and all of the evil, pain and hideous things that are going on in the world. I learned a lot of real things about the way the world works and I want to spend the rest of my life living like I know those things are true.

If I’m going to see you sometime in the next month, know that I am excited about it and if I seem to not be, it’s just because seeing you means leaving here and while I am almost ready for that, I am not anywhere close to being excited about it.

kb

I am probably the best banana chocolate chip muffin maker in Komga

Probably. I just made some really really yummy ones with my fantastic helpers Asekhona and Sikelelwa. I told them that when I go back to America I am going to walk around shouting “Yebo!” just because no one will understand me (Yebo=Yes in Afrikaans). And they said I shouldn’t do that because then people will think I’m crazy and then when I tell people about Open Arms the people will think that they are crazy here. Speaking of words that I know that I will be sad to stop using when I go back to America, I thought I would share some with you. I’m sure they are all spelled wrong because they are just coming from my brain. I shouldn’t have told you that because there’s no way you would know any different.

Kassi’s Open Arms Dictionary
(all words Xhosa unless noted)

Chini- kind of like ‘sheesh’
Hayi- No
Salapanse- Sit down
Lala poopa- Kind of like sweet dreams
Lala conmande- Something else that is nice to say to people who are going to sleep, I use it. I don’t remember what it means.
Umpocokho- African Salad
Poofy- Poop (crude? Maybe, but I live with 30 kids)
Lala poofy- Poopy dreams. Yeah, I know. Remember…30 kids.
Hamba- Go
Puma- Also go, I think one of them is nicer, I’m not sure which.
Maculu- Grandma
Tomculu- Grandpa
Nappies- Diapers
Kusasa- Morning
Ebusuku- Evening
Neenee- Small, a little
Yebo- Yes (Afrikaans)
Ewe- Yes
Lalapanse- Lay down
Molo- Hello
Bum/Bums- Bottom/rear/butt
Wena- You
Apa- Here/there
Amasi- Sour Milk
Enkosi- Thank you
Unjani- How are you?
Hoho- Monster, snake, spider, really anything that scares you
Var- True (Afrikaans)
Onvar- False (Afrikaans)
Tulla- Be quiet
Damu- bottle

Ageko umfanana Yesu- There is no one greater than Jesus

Things that I say/hear everyday that I think are funny…and that I probably won’t get to say/hear when I leave…

Conversation between me and anyone not wearing nappies who is still peeing the bed at night after 6 pm…
“Auntie Kassi please the water”
“Are you weeing the bed?”
“No”
“Ok, then yes the water”

“Ooooh someone is so stinky. Who needs a nappy change?”
Usually accompanying this sentence is another one where I ask one of the boys to find out which baby stinks. I do not want to stick my face down there to smell those nasties but the boys do not mind.

“Nomava! He says! He wants to sleep in the toilet!” –Sikilelwa (Nomava is a girl)

“I was see a sea lion! I was see it!” –Zimkhita, referring to a little watering hole on our driveway, where apparently she spotted a sea lion.

The kids keep eating the raspberries before they turn red, Phelisa was the culprit yesterday…
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing”
“Are you picking those berries again?”
“Yes”
“Are you supposed to be picking those berries?”
“Yes”
“No, no you are not”
“OK”
“Please go play somewhere away from the berries.”
“I’m picking the berries!”
“Do you want a timeout?”
“No, I want the berries”

While playing Candy Land, Zimkhita became very angry at the licorice spots that make you lose your turn, she kept landing on them, and determined not to land on the next one, shouted,
“I’m skipping you, you stinky bums!”

“What are you DOING?!”- Khanyisa

“Father Christmas is coming TOMORROW!”- Khanyisa, everyday since the beginning of last month

“Auntie Kwassi!” – Asanda

“Ina finned” – Asekho said this to everyone all the time for an entire week, we still don’t know what it means in any language

“Haaaaayi!” – Sanda

And what makes my heart smile every single day, no matter how crazy the kids are being is the prayer that all of them, from Asekhona all the way down to Sive bow their heads and close their eyes and fold their hands to sing before every meal…
“Tank you Jeeeeesus, tank you Jeeeeesus
Fo ou-wa food, fo ou-wa food
Many, many blessin’s, many many blessin’s
Aaaaamen, aaaaamen”


kb

Finding Perspective

We have an Oscar Romero poster in the hall and I can't remember if I already posted these words, but I like them. My time here is coming to an end entirely too quickly and I'm not handling it well. Sometimes I need a little bit of perspective.

We plant seeds that one day will grow
We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promises.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that
This enables us to do something and to do it very well
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for God’s grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders, ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.

I know I'm failing at being a good blogger. Sorrrry.

kb

Really...

I should have written something, anything really, in the last 10 days while I was busy skipping around the country with my family members...but I didn't. Hopefully I will.

I should have written something about world AIDS day today...but I didn't. Hopefully I will

I am sad that my family is gone...but I am also happy to be back with my babies.

Happy Birthday to Sikho who is officially 2, but began his terrible 2's months ago. Good thing he is adorable.
AND Happy Birthday to Mickey Mouse who is 5 whole years old today and blew out his own birthday candle all by himself!

The faces that the babies made when I jumped into the playroom today after not seeing them for 8 days almost made my heart explode.

Hopefully I'll write more in the next few days, I'm just terrible at forcing myself to write.

love y'all
kb